I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
