Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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