i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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