Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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