if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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