I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize