Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
