my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
two words: eviction party
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize