True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
