yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
