so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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