When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
