we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
