im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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