If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
