i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
