Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize