I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
