just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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