Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
