I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
