Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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