3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Randomize
