careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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