If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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