Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
