it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
