We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
