It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
