Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
