that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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