Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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