I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
no you cant smoke seaweed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
