But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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