I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
