You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
