i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
