I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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