Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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