Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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