Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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