she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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