Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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