porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
