...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
