One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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