then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
