If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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