thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
