I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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