i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
