At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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