Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
