he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize