now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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