East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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