I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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