I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize