after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
