dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
