Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize