come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
