the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I'm having to shit out rocks
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
