Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
