After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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