the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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