im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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