At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
