I bet he comes in French.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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