Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
