I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i think i have two assholes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
