There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
