We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
